Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
