They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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