bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
