I feel great
I just peed on a car
You smell like stripper and shame
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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