shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
