just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am mentally ready for anal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
