They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
