thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
