Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
