If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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