When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
