Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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