Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize