If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
