tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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