As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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