Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The best revenge is premature balding
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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