Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
