I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
