After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
