You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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