When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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