Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
