Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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