Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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