i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
