she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
