we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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