True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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