he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
