so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
