Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
