Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
