Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
