Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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