I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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