I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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