you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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