Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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