They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
