I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
