After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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