We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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