White coat. Heels.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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