That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
