I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
