I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
