Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Where is the hickey?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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