day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I pour the whiskey from now on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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