i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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