i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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