This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize