This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize