4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
