I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
