I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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