Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
