How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
