remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
