is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
