What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
