I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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