DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
