Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
