even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
