where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
