Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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