Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
