tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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