will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
