I bet he comes in French.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
