I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
