you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
