I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
