my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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