the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize