If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
