I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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