I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
