Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize