So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
